Emmett goes wild
by Serenissime
Summary: What will happen when Emmett goes wild and does all the things he has been threatening to do for years? *HIATUS* I haven't written in this story for a long time, but may get back to it.*
1. Chapter 1

I walked the halls of the high school with Edward by my side, happy that for once we had nothing to worry about. Except Emmett.

"Bella, calm down. You look so happy that you might faint from euphoria." Edward said, ever the helpful know it all. I rolled my eyes moving in sync with a chant of 'books, books, books, books' from some kid.

That was when the loud speaker crackled on overhead.

"**Attention Forks high! This is this afternoon's Emmett's news network report. Today we have two shocking updates. This lunch period Jasper Hale is holding auditions for playboy in the cafeteria and Edward is giving five hundred dollars to anyone who will hum 'smack that' in front of a teacher, with a FIFTY DOLLAR BONUS if it is Mr. Greene- JASPER, OW! THAT'S MY LEG! I'M GONNA NEED IT TONIGHT! AWW, HELL! ROSALIE GAVE ME THIS HAT!!!!!"**

I stared at Edward in disbelief. Emmett had started his own news show on the school loudspeaker. Would this nightmare ever end. "As long as nothing bad happens from now until dismissal we should be fine Bella." Edward said confidently.

Famous last words spoken, check.

2 HOURS LATER

I logged on to , trying to find the video on the primates of Southeast Asia that Mr. Hall had asked us to watch. It was pure torture learning about monkeys we would likely never see.

I spotted the most popular video link, and groaned. The most popular video was by someone called **EmmettTheGreat. **I had a fairly good guess who he was.

I looked closer at the video and screamed.

It was titled "Captian Prude Episode 225", and the description was self explanatory.

–Enjoy the next installment in the adventures into exploring the sexual identity of Edward, the world's biggest (and oldest) prude. Today's event; will Bella get Edward to give up his virginity, or will he again refuse in an attempt to protect Bella and his own virtue? Stay tuned!-.

I was going to kill Emmett.

And apparently, I wasn't the only one.

Attracted like a magnet to my scream, Edward was standing beside me, livid. His hands were clenched into fists and it looked like he was about to spontaneously combust.

"I. Am. Going. To. Kill. Emmett."

That was all he would say. My anger, as per usual, paled in comparison to his.

"Go for it." I seethed.

He was gone in a flash, and I clicked on a link to the first episode.

Captian Prude episode 1 was just as bad as I had feared. Emmett had clipped together all of Edward's complaints about having to hear Emmett and Rosalie having sex in the next room into one youtube video. I can only imagine how long it must have taken him to post all of these.

Taking a deep breath, I clicked on GoogleSearch. I typed in 'Captian Prude webisodes' very carefully, and hit the enter key. A million links about Emmett's youtube videos came up. People all over the world had seen them. There had even been news reports about Emmett's amazing animation skills, just because Emmett claimed that it was all animation. Like anyone actually believed that.

Well, Edward is pretty impossibly and inhumanly beautiful… A small voice whispered in the back of my head.

Frustrated, I slapped the computer closed, nearly breaking it.

Emmett was gonna pay.


	2. Chapter 2

I am going to kill Emmett. Because of his stupid little videos, Lauren Mallory has made a fan club for Emmett's youtube videos, causing snickers to follow me everywhere.

Now everyone thought I had a prude for a boyfriend.

As I stomped down the hallway, I thought nothing could make my day worse. I then saw a huge, muscled clown who looked a great deal like Emmett making balloon animals in the middle of the hallway.

The clown had Mike Newton in chains wearing a frilly pink dress and was performing a magic act with the balloon animals. _Oh my god have I gone insane? _Seeing a clown in the middle of the school hallway was impossible, right?

"EMMETT! WHAT THE FREAKING HECK ARE YOU DOING!" Rosalie's voice echoed down the hall and sounded so menacing I heard two freshmen scream. Rosalie was stomping down the hallway towards the clown looking murderous. She balled her fists as she came to a stop in front of Emmett the clown. "I CAN'T HAVE A CLOWN FOR A HUSBAND! PEOPLE WILL THINK YOU'RE A PERVERT HANGING AROUND A HIGH SCHOOL AT YOUR AGE!" Rosalie looked angry enough to kill Emmett. Emmett didn't seem to notice.

"AHA! Here is my assistant the beautiful Rosalie! Now if my beautiful assistant will step into the ring we will begin the trick of the balloon's magnetism! My beauti" Rosalie cut Emmett off, screeching, "I AM NOT YOUR FREAKING ASSISTANT EMMETT!" She was still standing there fists clenched, and fuming.

I finally came to my senses and ran down the hallway, turned a sharp corner and ran into Edward- literally. "Ouch!" I winced as I hit my elbows on the floor right before Edward caught me. "What are you running from love?" Edward said with a puzzled look on his face.

A familiar voice could be heard from around the corner. "What's the matter Rosie? Don't you like my balloon animals? I made a balloon rose for you because your name is Rosalie! Isn't that funny?" Emmett's voice sounded like a very good imitation of someone playing dumb. Or maybe Emmett was dumb.

"NO EMMETT! I DO NOT THINK YOU ACTING LIKE A CHILD IS FUNNY!" Rosalie's screech echoed down the hall. "Ah, That explains what you were running from. Only a fool is not afraid of Rosalie's wrath." A look of realization had spread over Edward's face when he saw what was going on through someone's mind. We looked around the corner and I almost burst out laughing at the look on Emmett's face.

Emmett looked completely oblivious (and a little hurt) and clearly had no idea why Rosalie was so angry at him. "B-But Rosie… I wanted to put on a magic show for everyone. Is that really so bad?" Emmett looked close to tears. I actually felt bad for him. I tugged on Edward's sleeve and gestured to Emmett.

Nobody ever forgot Emmett's tantrums. When Rosalie yelled at him and he didn't know why, Emmett would cry for hours and refuse to talk to anyone. Once he buried himself in Esme's garden and nobody found him for so long the flowers grew in over his "grave". Needless to say, Esme was not happy about her daisies getting shredded when Emmett dug himself out.

Edward sighed and walked down the hall and took Emmett out the exit, practically having to carry him out. Rosalie looked amazed that Emmett was reacting this way even though he **always** reacted this way. Tonight was going to be a long night in the Cullen house. I should not have agreed to have a sleepover with Alice tonight. Emmett would be a handful and very few people could deal with Emmett when he was like this.

Emmett needs to Grow up. I need to get Edward to stop being such a softie when this sort of thing happens. I wanted Edward to do something about Emmett starting to cry, not take him home!

Now I couldn't put my plan into action. I knew just the way to get rid of the Prude videos Emmett had posted on the internet and now the plan would have to wait until next weekend. Emmett breaking down would have been such a good distraction so Carlisle and Esme wouldn't hear about my plan. I know Edward won't agree to the whole plan, but I can at least put a stop to the giggling.

_**Hi, Kynthia here. I've sort of run into a bit of a snag in Emmett goes wild, because I can't think of a plan extreme enough that Edward would actually agree to, so that part of the storyline will probably be put on hold. I was originally inspired to write this by indifferent child of earth, because I so needed more detail on Emmett's evil deeds, but as no one has written stories for a bunch of them, I guess I could write a couple. So, I can't take full credit for the original ideas. Of course, my English teacher always says that the truly great writer takes someone else's idea because it gave them an idea to make it better or more descrptive or whatever, so I guess I can take some credit for the stories.**_


End file.
